"If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and saw the guy was reading a magazine."

Jack Handy (1949 - Present)

"Life's enchanted cup sparkles near the brim."

Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

"The path is smooth that leadeth on to danger."

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

"You can't trust water:  even a straight stick turns crooked in it."

W.C. Fields (1880 - 1946)

"It's better.  For once, most of the fluid is almost out.  But it's still stiff."

Eduardo Najera (1976 - present)

"There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy."

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."

Woody Allen  (1935-present)

"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind."

W.C. Fields (1880 - 1946)